Thursday, April 21, 2005
Im fucked up
Well, update on my situation; for those of you that don't know; ever since Claire passed away, I've been sleeping 1 or 2 hours at night; and she died a month ago, dating yesterday.
As you can imagine, I'm beat and tired and don't have much energy, specially to wake up at 600am for excersice... so I've been getting in trouble for sleeping during work, and not showing up cuz Ive been sleeping.
Also I dont really give a fuk anymore about the army; so both combined = me being someone that might get kicked out of the army soon.
Right now I havent been online because I... I dont know why; just havent felt like talking to anyone anymore, havent felt like Rping or whatever.
So yeah, I'm seeing some people at mental health, Psychiatrist to be more precise. I really dont want to, but if it gets the army proof that there is something medically wrong with me, then I can prevent gettin kicked out soon and being punished and loosing money and rank.
so yeah; I'm fucked up mentally... surprise to anyone? who knows.
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Movie Of The Day -=- The Ring 2
Yeah, Im ashamed to say it... But I saw the Ring 2 today.... maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan it sucked, the first one as waaaaaaaay better if u ask me ^_^, a sequel would of had been cool.. but not this crappy movie they made -.-
Anyways, sorry I havent been updating this piece of junk that I love so much... but meh; Havent really felt like comming online, and when I do, Im busy with other stuff... aaaaanyways; on what Ive been doing lately; I beat Fullmetal Alchemist the broken angel, currently playing Red ninja, been watching rurouni kenshin & some other stuff =]... today I fucked my hair up; I tried to make a haircut but it came out all messed up, hehhhheeh, the back is all uneven and stuff.... *shakes head* ah well; at least this way i guarante that peeps dont cut mah bangs! I want to let em grow til they reach mah mouth ^^
hmmm, thats pretty much it for lately... oh yeh; <3 Bri
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
News Of The Day-=- Vomitting blood
dont worry, its not me throwing up blood =p, just mah sis
well I keep getting in trouble everyday xD!!! today I got 2 counselings about how I missed formations and stuff and they are trying to kick me out of the army and stuff =p.. hell I wanna get out!... but I only got til Oct , so Id rather just stay in til then and prevent getting a bad rep; know what I mean? it sux!
anyways.... I havent been on for a couple of days.. been tired; and also yesterday was Claire's 19th Bday.... sang her happybday and stuff; u know, brood around, be lonely; the way I am; the Angel and Zanza way =]...
so yup, thats about it
Friday, April 08, 2005
Duty Of The Day = CQ For 24 Hours
Well, this is what I said I would post today. so here ya have it.
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And I cry again... listening to Amy Lee, is remembering Claire.. singing opens wounds that she would like to be healed... memories that have become just that; a thing of the past.
Memories that we wont be able to laugh at together because she is gone... Im done, Im done, Ive drowned...
Now tears flow anew; once believed gone, have now surfaced like a phoenix... I wish Claire was a mystical bird and ressurect.
Now everysingle experience I have that brings memories of her or not; make me cry, or want to.
I used to believe that others cried willingly, that some thing they remembered; made them flow with tears... I used to believe those people were just nice and weak minded.
But now I see; tears form not because of memory; but because they have the kindest heart of all... and they aren't weak fro crying often... they are strong for staying alive in a world that saddens them... that saddens me...
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Event Of The Day~ Getting In Trouble
heh... Ive been really down these lat few days; Ive been sleeping 2 to 1 hours everyday; and its killing me physically and mentally... the slightest things are making me cry >_>... I wrote it down somewhere how I felt... but its not with me now; I'll add it next time I update, promise (prolly tomorrow).
Well, Ive been getting in trouble cuz I oversleep and miss excercises and formations; and I get yelled at... people dont believe me that I cant sleep more than 2 hours; Been trying to go to a doctor or psychologist, but I've been denied cuz they think Im BSing... I think the reasons of me feeling like this and stuff... is cuz of Claire's death, me trying to find a meaning of my life now, and feeling kind of guilty that I can like someone so quick... But I guess it is because I need someone there for me and also I need someone to need me...
I think a lot, I keep things to myself mostly, and be alone most of the times. I dont really like talking to other people about my problems, mainly cuz of 2 reasons... 1, I dont trust people that much... they usually laugh at me or just plain dont care... and 2 cuz they will try and give me advice, and I hate receiving advice and stuff.... the fact taht I think so much, makes me see all the options laid out before me... so what they tell me, I already know.
Hmmm, yeah I'm kinda messed up mentally right now. sorry
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Console Of The Day~ PSP! =D
yup, I got a PSP now ^^; that is my last big buy that I am making for a while =] I got everything I ever wanted, so I feel hapy and now I can save money for whatever, my future and what not ^^
ah well, today I got yelled at again because I fell out of the run xD... but I had irritation between my legs! so it hurt as hell X.x and we ran up hill and down hill for some good 7 or more miles, so it made it all worse o.o... so I said screw u all! =p, and I started to walk xD; and got yelled at =p they thought I was lying and what not hehehe..
so well, I was told I had to run again later today, but that never happened ^^; Im tellin u; I get away with most things unscratched xD! it ownz to be me =-] mwaahhahahaha!!!
whatever o.o