Saturday, February 26, 2005
Bye...
"Somebody, Someone"
I can't stand to let you win.
I'm just watching you.
And I don't know what to do.
Feeling like a fool inside.
Feeling all the hurt you hide.
Thought you were my friend.
Seems it never ends.
I need somebody someone.
Can't somebody help me.
All I need is to be.
Loved just for me.
Giving you this and that.
Giving gave nothing back.
It's all related to.
All the things I do.
Feeling like a fool inside.
Seeing all the things you tried.
I am nothing.
I look I sign.
I need someone.
Inside to help me out.
With what I'm trying.
I'm crying, I'm frying.
In a pile of shit.
I'm dying.
I'm dying.
I'm dying
I need somebody (someone).
Somebody (somebody).
Someone.
I need somebody (someone).
Somebody (somebody).
Someone.
Someone.
Friday, February 25, 2005
Group Of The Day ~Korn
well, I had to make a change =p... lately its been Seether, Evan & Offspring.. so lets make a change to Korn, yah?
today was uneventfulll... just slept most of the morning... took a nap... Im trying to relax my muscles, but they are soooo stiff and sore ;.; I feel like Im not gonna be too well on my world trip xD.
Recently Ive had a lot of dreams... its weird, Ive dreamt about me kissing my cute cousin... about me being Squall and was fighting Seifer in some sort of tournament.. and I had wings thanx to a ring that belonged to Rinoa, also dreamt about me arguing with someone else on how I use my own money o.0
it's been weird... but entertainin =], I've been feelin a lil down over here... I think it's cuz I see everyone so happy and with a GF/BF and stuff, and yesterday candle light dinner... everyone is so peachy but moi... only happy when I hurt myself =/ Im a weirdo, and when I say hurt I mean indirectly... like falling while snowboarding, or smoking, drinkin, feeling sore... ah well It'll pass.
'' We aren't strangers to ourselfs, We only want to be''
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Landing Part Of The Day~Mah Butt!!
ow man... my butt hurts soooo bad... today I snowboared... on my ass most of the time xD! Either sliding or just falling over, lol... Im hurting all over my body... I need a massage baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadly ;.;...
most of the day was that and me taking pictures of Nathan jumping ramps and he took like 3 of moi just sliding down xD... oh yeah! and some others too ^^... but today was excruciating! I cant take another day of snowboard...
After that, Nathan and I drank beer, smoked a lil, played pool while at it, and the jukebox machine stole his money! xD... at dinner, we sat next to some cute blond twins and we talked for a lil bit; of course I wasnt in the talkative mood.. maybe cuy Im so beat... or maybe cuz it was a candlelight dinner and I was kinda sad, thought just wandered off.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Laaaaaazyyyyneeeessss
wow, for 2 days in a row, I havent gone snowboarding, lol.... it's just that I feel so tired! everything hurts, and bleh! I didnt even go to learn more from Cornelia xD, as a matter of fact, I havent seen em since the last time I posted ^^, I got me a camera to take pics of em and they pics of moi, but they were gone or whatever, so I didnt snowboard ^^.
Im telling you.. its tiiiiiring!!! *aching rite now*
Oh man, My roomate (nathan) is complaining about my snoring T____T he says that he cant sleep because of the noise xD I feel bad... but the only thinkg I can do is not sleep on my back!... I only seem to snore when sleepin on mah bak... but then I can't sleep cuz Im trying to stay on my side, lol... it's funny xD ITS NOT MY FAULT!
hehehe, other than that... not much going on, I went to eat something elsewhere, because the food they serve here is soooo small... it's like they were serving samples of the food xD!... Swiss language is weird... is a mix of german, swiss and french o.0... some ppl say danke, some others say merci 0.o... weirdos xD
~~~~~~~~~~
Man, this stars suck... it seems like the more stars a hotel got, the more expensive it is, and the less food they give you... I'm staying at a 4 star, and the food are just samples! I order some orange juice, and guess how much it is?... 8 francs!! bastards, xD; its like the whole swiss bank thingy went to their heads and now they are trying to high rob u, lol.... ah well, whatever
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Smoke Of The Daz~ Marihuana
lol... sorry for those of you that despise drugs and all; but I alwazs wanted to know how it felt to get drugged, so I smoked marihuana! just a few sips anyways... and let me tell zou one thing... that shit sux! it made me feel terrible, T__T, that is one nasty drug lemme tell you... so from experience... DONT DO DRUGS! that was my first and last
Anyways, today was my first day snowboarding; I fell a million times and I had a hell of a time riding those things taht you put in between your legs and pull you up X.x... and mah buddy left me by myself... lil bastard =p
But on the bringht side... cute females helped me out! xD! yuppers, I saw they were new too and were learning from someone.... they were so nice to me ^^; they even help me fix mah snowboard ^^
thanx maria, cornelia, nadia and Amy ^^ they made my day seem less terrible and pushed me to keep going, lol... so ok... so far I kinda got the hang of slowing down, and I just started the turnings; The teacher cornelia, offered to help me tomorrow at the same place so it should be coo ^^
Im feeling like shit now, everything hurts an I think Im sick.... a fever or something, I hope I feel better tomorrow so I can learn some more ¨=]
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Country Of The Day~ Switzerland!!
Yeah baby!, in 3 hours Im getting on a train taht is bound for Switzerland! I'm gonna snowboard and stuff; I already got me some REAL cool clothes =]... I'm so happy now... I love what I have nowadays <3...
Today was basically about buying the clothes and playing xD... I was sleeping all day (like always now) and bleh; it's been fun =]; I cant wait to get there today!
I dont really have much to update, other than I'm in a better mood and hat I went to watch Lethal Weapon 4 with Trevor, and we also ate chinese food ^_^
Alright everyone!If there is no internet where Im going, then this will be my last entry for a week; wish me luck and hope that I dont break anything xD! tchuzz!
Friday, February 18, 2005
Game Of The Day~ Ace Combat 5 ^_^
AC5 Is great! the characters are cool and those aerial fights are just too cool to believe! yayness! ^___^.... and she is kinda ot too ^_~
Well today, I woke up at 3pm xD... I needed some sleep *angelical face*, yupper!... ah what the heck; METEOR OF PEGASUS! *kills everyone reading this*
guess what people?.. im in a bad mood!... and guess what else?... everyone is telling me how serious Im getting and how I dont smile when peopl talk to me... or how I stress out when people talk to me... or being introverted, uncaring and unfriendly... any of that sounds familiar?... I thought so =p; I even changed mah RP name from Laguna to Squall.. because I am NOT in the mood to RP peachy stuff (havent been for a while). So there ya have it.
hmmm, some guy annoyed the shit out of me today... he sat next to me while I played and chatted today, and asked all this kind of dumb questions... I wanted to tell him off so bad... but Im too nice for that =p... hey who knows! maybe someday in the future, if everything keeps going this way; I wont be so nice anymore... I'll curse the crap out of people and dont even care what they think -.-.
Tomorrow I have to get my snowboarding clothes cuz the day after, it's time to leave for switzerland with Zerr!, thats right ^_^ going to spend a week away from everyone I know (most of the time at least)... and doing my own thing; and who knows.. it might get me in a good mood.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Name Of The Day~ Introverted
Mah good friend (not so good anymore) Trevor called me Introverted today; Which makes me happy because that is how Squall defines himself ^_^; but kinda makes me feel bad because I am his friend... but you know what? he had it comming =p why you ask? Well because...
For a whole week he promised me that he would give me a ride downtown, to fix my mobile..... but he always came up with some lame ass excuse that ....you know what? fuck him =p. I don't feel like hanging around him any longer. If he can't keep his promises, then screw him =p. I thought he would be a better friend.. I guess I was wrong
But anyways... here is my story of the day.
I didn't sleep last night, I spent the whooooole night awake playing FFXI and chatting hehehe. but I was tired as hell th whole day! Specially since it was a busy day X.x... Today was the last day of classes and stuff. and since I missed the last day of Dental, I had to make up for it today .. but the problem was... I couldnt go! I had to stay in ma room waiting for my household goods to get delivered >_<! so They had me going back and forth between places; it really suck since I was tired as hell X.x GAH! SO I spent all day with Dykes (who was with the same situation as moi) we chilled; it was kinda cool hanging around with him.
ANd now Im talking to someone taht likes Yaoi xD! I'm getting into some Yaoi as well o.o; they can be cute =]... well Im beat man, so Im off!
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Wakeup Time Of The Day~ 2pm >_>!!
yup.. I got lazy and slept in xD Missed my class today and all >_>, damn, I hope they dont make me start over the whole thing again X.x... Well; I'll make up the excuse that I confused the days and was actually waiting for the household goods to come in today instead of tomorrow xD.
Yesterday was a pretty good day actually; I got a lot of shit done and some nice convos... also I got FFXI installed and I played it last nite ^^; went to sleep at 4 am, mwahahhaa; it's pretty alright, nothing out of the ordinary yet about the game >_>... Also Zerr came to me today asking me to go to switzerland with him for a week to snowboard! of course I agreed cuz I always wanted to go snowboarding, atleast once in my life!; that is like one of my life long goals xD.... now I just have 2 other to complete... bungee jumping and parachuting ^_^
Sigh, but I dont really feel like traveling the world anymore, but I dont want to let others down taht I already promised I was going.. so meh!
Monday, February 14, 2005
Buy Of The Day~ I Pod!
Yaaaaaaaaaaaay... I finally have an MP3 player ^__^ I'm in love with it! =D... the great IPod =p
Well, I want to say Happy Valentines to everyone that comes on today to check me out and see how I am doing.. obviously they care about me enough, so they deserve to be greeted and told 'happy valentine' ^__~.
Talkinga bout Valentine... My Valentine this year is Lani ^_^, she's cool; and well.. since she is mah cyberwifey, it's only logical that I picked her xD. Special mention goes to Amy ofcourse 'Happy Valentines Dear Friend!'...
Ok, that was peachy... now I'll let u guys know that my computer is already messing up -.-... the DVDs wont play anymore and I cant install FFXI or play Sims 2 anymore =[...makes me sad... but I'll do whatever it takes to fix it... even if it means returning it to ALienware and make em fix it xD
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Ending Of The Day~ A Relationship
Well, it's been shitty over the last few days (as if I really had to say it, for you guys to notice =p) Breakups, stress; ups and downs; great things cmming my way, shitty crap comming the other and trying to deflect the good things. But life goes on... and If I stay in the moment for too long, I might stay there for the rest of my life without a chance for redemption.
confused yet? I know.. I speak in riddles =p.... anyways; what I just said, was basically that I'll stand down and try another approach, that is really hard for me to do because it goes against everything I stand for... shit.. here I go talking again in Riddles xD!... FINE! I'll say what happened (kind of)
Well, I've been worrying about Amy's wellbeing and stuff... which is natural since I love her, you know? But it seems that she doesn't want me to worry (kind of selfish if you ask me); so she doesn't want the thing between us to go any further, because she believes that she will be a constant income of sadness and worry in my life. And she expects me to stop there... now if you know me; you know that I dont let something like that stop me... but I've not stopped before in other relationships past.... and it has cost me dearly... So I'm going to try with all my might; to stand down and just let her be for a while.
Maybe some day something will happen! maybe it never will.... but whatever the outcome; it's still better than loosing her forever, her friendship I mean. So I am willing to fight my stubborness and try and be patient.... you can't ask more from me really =/.
So yeah... that's pretty much the gists of it; more or less at least. I want to thank Sarah for opening my eyes a little bit and being patient with me as well (I can get cranky when things dont go as I want em to). And yet, she is still hanging around this crazy old fart... thanx to you, and all the other people that actually care about my wellbeing and come read this blog.... few anmes that come to my head are 'Tom, Claire, Lani, Sarah, Hadji & Mosh'... those are the ones that come to my head.
Thanx ya all for caring and now we will see what I'll turn into this time; should be interesting to see how I handle this
Thursday, February 10, 2005
I CANT SEE THE SHOUTBOX! DONT POST IN THERE!!!!! COMMENT DAMMIT!
*grumbles* arrrgggh.... bad mood; don't touch/look/talk/bite or spit me
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Home Of The Day~ Germany Baby!
Ahhh... finally.... after 3 days of no internet, no rest, and moving around.... after a year of living in hell; losing one girl-friend, a best friend and nearly loosing my own life & sanity.... I'm finally back.
This year cost me a lot more than I could bear to loose; the prision of a violent foreign country took the best of me. I lost loved ones, and gained new ones. A year of self- relevation and change. A year of love, hate, sorrow, and joy.. and everything in between.
You guys have no idea what I went through, and I hope you guys dont find out... I just want you guys to appreciate what I had to tolerate. Give me a couple of words of cheering to know that what I did, was not a complete wate of my short time of life.
Whew.... ok; so now on the good stuff! I got my new clothes and my new laptop! they are great! =DI love them to pieces ^___^ *kisses* if I could, I would rape them =p.
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Quote Of The Day~ "I'm Scared Of You"
Yeh well... I usually laugh when people are scared of me xD Because it makes me feel accomplished and makes me feel 'weird/unique/crazy'; hehehe... but I like it only when I'm not being serious =/. When someone gets scared of me because of who I am and tell them how I feel; then it's a whoooooooooole different story there.
I've been talking to Trevor a lot about our problems and stuff; and we are very alike in most things and think the same way. So it really helps having him around and speak my mind and about my problems (even tho Im the one that is usually listening to his non-stop ranting about his wife xD). It's nice to have someone that agrees with me on what I do & kinda gives me ideas (Ideas that I have already figured, but are backed up by his opinion =])
Other than that... I've watched Shaman King the anime for 2 days straigh.. I saw 25 Episodes ^_^; I wonder how many are total o.o... hmmm also; I leave this base tomorrow! and the day after tomorrow Im going to Germany ^^.. and I should be there by very early Wednsday =]... Im so happy about that. I finally wont have that many barriers set in front of me. I'll be able to have a lot more freedom and time to be with the people that matter.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Victory Of The Day~ Spades!
Ah well; I finally WON in spades! yay! ^_^ not just once, but twice! mwahahaha take that Foolz! My partner Perez was good ^^
Well; guess what?... I LEAVE IN 3 DAYS! god that felt so good... ^_^; well.... I had a lot to say today, but I completely forgot what those things were X.x... I feel so dumb... well; I'll tell ya what I did yesterday then!
We got woken up at about 7 am to unpacket everything and get it inspected by customs and stuff; we were there until like 1 pm just loading and offloading stuff; it was a pain!, not to mention they didnt bring me no food knowing that I was working hard -.-... mofo's, So I just took off :P; I took a vehicle and just went to eat xD! by the time I got back, everyone was done >=]
well, i dont really feel like updating this crap; so Im off, bai!
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
News Of The Day~ Safety
Meh; I went to mental sickcall again, to get me checked up... but this time I made SURE, that I saw the highest ranking guy (LT Coronel) and told him what my ppl wanted to see, in order for me not to get into more shit... which was basically a written letter saying this.
"Zanza acted this way because of stress in his personal life; and due to the fact that he has a sleping disorder; there is no need to place guards on his 24 hours a day"
Oh yeah, didn't I mention that? I had to have someone watching me for 24 hours a day; even while I am sleeping, I gota have someone besides me to make sure I dont do anything bad =p... but I got rid of that, because of the LT coronel I saw xD.
So things are starting to cool down a bit... and if they try to give me punishment or whatever; I AM going to court; 1 because of mah sleeping problem, and 2 because that boss can't touch me like he did.
Oh and another thing they told me was that; I wasn't given the proper evaluation when I went to the hospital, so that is why they havent been able to determine the cause of mah problem with sleep.
On another news; Amy is 'fine' she is as fine as she could be really; I KNEW there was something going on; that is why I asked the docs to do a total check up on her... but it seems they didnt do that before, and that is why we had this whole mess over here. but anywas; she'll be back on Friday/Sunday... just before I leave for Germany.
god speed Amy; and thans Rach/Susu