Monday, January 31, 2005
Today's Wonder~ Can I get some news about Amy!?
Meh.... I'm in real trouble -.-; yesterday I got in big trouble over here =p. Big Boss woke me up again saying taht I was late and stuff... and like I said in my last post... if something else came up; I was turning back.. And I did... briefly. They spoke to me; I didn't answer, they questioned me... no reply from me. Then the big boss came and picked me from the chair, up by the collar... I swear to god I thought I was going to kill him. this is how it went...
Moi sitting down
Boss~ "Get the fuck off that chair"
Moi still sitting down and sighing at the cuse word used at me and starting to get up slowly.
Boss standing up and walking towards me "I SAID GET THE FUCK UP!" He picked me up by the collar of my jacket and made me stand up
Moi takes his hands off of me "Don't touch me again"
Boss all up in my face "You don't tell me what to do"
Moi about to kick the living shit out of him and deciding I had to go outside and cool down before I actually did kill him in the spot "I'm going outside"
Boss gets infront of me and pushes me backwards "You aren't going anywhere"
Moi getting reaaaaaaaaaaaaaal irritated and if it wasn't because I was in the army I would of had bashed his head in with the chair "I said don't touch me" And tried to get past by him.
Boss still gets in my way and keep pushing me back "I said taht you aren;t going anywhere"
Moi trying my best not to kick him in the balls "I said not to fucking touch me"
Boss pushes me backwards again "And I said you aren't going anywhere"
Moi and him are almost kissing, that is how close we were to each others face... I really tried to contain myself to not give him a head-butt "Hey SGT Valido (other boss) See? Im telling him not to touch me and he keeps doing it; so I dont want to hear shit when I fucking do something to him"
Boss balh blah blah Pushes me back again, and I push back....
it wasn't until an opfficer told me to sit back down, that it was an order; that I parted from the boss's way and stayed. So now they took my weapon away; they have a guard & escort on me everywhere I go; even while I sleep for 24 hours a day; for the rest of the time remainin I got in Iraq (which is about a week).
They also made me move with them and I got to sleep in the open; in the middle of the room where everyone can see me and I get no privacy... they even banned the internet and phones -.-... Tomorrow I'm going to mental sickcall again; explain to them that I got personal problems in my life that are stressing me out, and also explain againt hat I got a problem sleeping.
this is all stupid... REALLY stupid
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Feeling Of The Day~ Confusion
I had a real shitty day.. first I slept only 3 hours to be woken up by a bgoss yelling at me -.-.. now I gotta be at work from 845 am to 8 pm... -.-... sux balls. They gave me a counsel statement, saying that I've been late b4, blah blah blah, and that they know about my sleeping problem, blah blah blah if they know, then leave me the fuck alone goddammit!; I start having problems sleeping when the stress is too much to take. I'll be staying awake until 6 am; not because I want to... but because I can't sleep; my mind wont shut down.
I have to work my mind doing stuff until I reach a point where all I can think about is my eyes hurting so bad that I have no other choice but to close them and sleep... and since I spend so much time awake; it's obvious that my body and mind would want to recover those lost hours. So I'm a hard sleeper; it's hard as hell to wake me up... and now they are talking about giving me sleeping pills.
1~ I HATE medicine
2~ If I take sleeping pills, it'll only make me not wake up in time anyways
and there are other reasons as well; which makes this some bullshit... yeah I'm stressed.. with only 1 week or so left in Iraq; I am border line schizofrenic; Havent heard from Amy or her sis for 10 days now... I am THIS close to loosing it. I swear... if I loose someone I love at this point... I'm snapping... I'm regressing to what I fear; A being of pure hatred towards the world and anyone in it; no matter how nice they are. I've been this way before for a little while and I didn't like it...
I swear to god, that nothing better hits me because taht would be it. You can say good bye to the nice smiling Zanza and welcome the new angel of darkness Angelus Zanza
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Feeling Of The Day~ Leftout
meh... I was left out on a mayor event on the life of the person I care about the most in the whole world.... and the world has billion of people in it. So you can Imagine how much I care about this person. But Anyways; I wasn't told... and I found out about this event because the person I dislike the most told me.
Now tell me how you would feel if the person you cared about the most didn't trust you enough to tell you about it; but your worst friend, the person you dislike the most told you about it; and knew more about her life than I did? well if you dont know, then let me tell you..
IT MOTHERFUCKING SUCKS ASS GODAMMIT!
God, I can't believe I wasn't told. Specially since I had already told that person not to let me out of this kind of things.... because I assured that I would find out sooner or later.
That's it, this shit fucking sucks, Im out.... and the worst part about this is, that Im not even close to being pissed off -.-... so i hope this doesnt happen again; or else that'd be it *sigh*
Monday, January 24, 2005
Job Of The Day~ Play Metroid Prime 2 xD!
yup! been playing MP2 allllllday! it's been great ^^; I slept a lot, got left alone a lot... now I got internet all night to myself and no-one else ^^ it's great!
Big news is that I am a Staff member on the AWFF Magazine! ^_^; it's great! I lurv it! Im in charge of the Bdays and the Games review section ^_^... one thing that is sucking at AWFF is that good members and oldies are starting to leave due to a problem on Staff and what not... I think they are dumb for leaving for that reason -.-.
I think I'm going to Email Amy's sis and find out if he knows how she is doing.. cuz I havent heard from her for like 4 days... I'm sure she is fine, cuz I haven't had the slightest bad feeling about her being away... but I still want to ask how she is ^^.
Metroid 2 is great... lots of stuff to get, and the game is loooong and hell! longer than the fisrt one. I got like 15 hours and Im only 69% through X.x... but its good =]
Saturday, January 22, 2005
MBTVAKLBLX Of The Day~ IOHIYGPONAS!
WHATEVER! lol... yeah whatever. Missing, Amy ofcourse; wondering how she is doing... been pretty laid back here in Iraq; sleeping in late, more time online...less work... it's pretty good; can't complain. I've even been playing alot of Metroid 2 ^^ that game is HARD! to find what to do next! the game is sooooo huuuuge and everything is just all random X.x. The game itself is not hard... just the finding out how to get to some places and where to go T_T
Also I have more ppl that agreed to meeting up around the world ^^; some ppl from Canada and stuff... the list of ppl so far that Im gonna go see most likely
~Tom
~Lani
~Amy
~Rinoa
~Ice_Queen
~Matto
~Jennifer Lynn
~Cloey
~Ollie
~Ashie
~mephy
~Hinata
~Aeristheelfgirl
~Leo vampira
~Gemini
~Grey
~Danny
~Mosh
~Amiel
~Luca
~Dante
Thats pretty much what I have so far ^__^
Friday, January 21, 2005
Event Of The Day~ Travel Planning
Yo! Today I've been trying to gather all the ppl taht want to meet up with me and stuff =]; and it's going just fine ^^.. I mean, I cant really plan something good til I know what date Im going over there u know?... and until I can communicate with em better!; but things are looking up; I can probably name about 15 ppl taht Im going to met around the world ^^ this is so cool.
Ah well; besides that... I gotta pee xD! *is holding it* man this is bad! I gotta go! but I cant... otherwise someone will take the computer X.x... aaahhh!!!
Im fine today, no more blood pissin, and I've been playing metroid 2 for a lil bit ^^; the game is kinda hard to find stuff X.x... they are in like the middle of nowhere! I get soooooo lost in the game X.x... and Im the VG master! lol... man I do gotta pee X.x *hhhuuuuungh...*
I gotta keep contacting ppl for mah trip ^^.. gaaaahhh! I GOTTA GO!
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Word Of The Day~ Whatever!
Yeah well; whatever man. I don;t think it's anything serious with me cuz well, Im not really pissing blood anymore... I mean, I may do if I stop drinking water. Cuz Im drinking lotz of water and no soda =p.
Tomorrow is the follow up to see if Im doing better or whatever; I think I'll be fine. I only get pain is I stoip drinking water and stuff; so Im fine I guess; whatever.
in a couple of dayz, Amy is going to her mom's and have some 'quality time' with her; and in a couple of weeks, I'll be back in Germany hopefully =]... today they let me sleep more; and basically didn't work at all, just minor stuff =p. But over all; I'm fine... not bad and not perfect; just fine.... whatever!
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Body Fluid Of The Day~ Urine & Blood
Bleeeeeeh... Wel I'll tell ya guys what's going on with me... before yesterday I started to feel pain in my testicles; and yesterday I began to release blood with my urine... In another words.. IM PEEING BLOOD!
Meh... Took a bunch of urine tests today, X-ray's, Blood tests, they gave me IV injections; some other weiord shit that made me throw up. So I'm not in a very good mood as you can imagine 
They haven't determined what is wrong with me; but they have 4 theories...
1~ Just dehydration
2~ Kidney stones (most likely to be)
3~ Something new
4~ Cancer
.
.
.
So I'm just givin ya guys a heads up on what's up with me, just in case I go missin for a couple of days. Don't worry; Unless Im in a hospital agonizing in pain.. I'll still make my month long trip to see you guys
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Game Of The Day~ Ghost Recon 2
Just got off playing GR2 for like 3 hours straight! xD... played on 2 diff Xbox's and 2 diff TVs; we played 4 vs 4; it was awesome! xD Ofcourse I was between the top rankings ^_^.
Ok, yesterday I forgot to mention that it was Kelly's and Sarah's Bday; 16 & 17 ... I send Kelly and Email and I talked to Sarah til like 2 am; I was the first one to tell her happy bday ^__^!
Hmm; today we did the medical screening, that is something they had to do b4 sending us bak to wherevery we came from, lol... and bleh; today's been boring.. I watched 'Hero' the new movie with Jet Li and stuff; pretty good movie ^^.
And ofcourse Im wondering how Amy's doing, cuz I haven't seen her online in the past 2 or 3 days... hope she is well *kicks guardian angel again* what the hell man!? do your job!!
Person Of The Night~ Sarah *Susu-Chan*
Im talking right now to Amy's sis; she ish cooooolz. She reminds me a lot of amy actually; the way she replies to stuff and all. I could almost swear that it is her I'm talking to xD. Anyways, she is cool =]
Well, as for today; I got woken up at 800 by one of my bosses saying that Im supposed to start working at 800; but another guy told me I didnt start until 830! o.0... u know what is answer was to me? "Oh, it's almost 830 anyways"... biaaaaaaaatch! xD
Afterwards I went to play some ghost recon 2; but the guy got pissed cuz someone is always in his room playing; so he was al mad and stuff =p... so i didnt play much =/.. then at 1300 I went to another company and helped them bind more trackshoes =p... but we ran out of binding equipment so we'll continue tomorrow morning ^^
hmmm; after that I went to sleep at 1700 and woke up at 2300; then I went computers and here I am =p 130 am.... meeeeeeeeeeh Im bored ! xD
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Person Of The Day~ Trevor Boggs
Today I worked hard again... I told u guys I would since they let me stay here instead of going to the other camp =]... but anyways; I've been driving the forklift all day basically; loading the trackshoes on the flatbeds; took us hours to do so... meh; Im tired.
*Drives the wheelchair around the world*
And well; today Trevor got promoted... but he asked for me personally to be there when they promoted him.. he didnt want none of his co-workers to be there... he wanted ME... it means a lot; he is a great friend and fellow videogame master =] I doubt I'll forget him... ah well.. I basically get along with everyone here; the people I dont get along with, I dont talk to anyways.
Oh yeah; mah feeling proved to be right yesterday =p; which sux... meh; *kicks guardian angel* I told you to protect her! *kicks again*... I'm planning on... I dont know what my plans for tonight are =p... ah well, whatever, nevermind
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Job Of The Day~ Binding Tracks
All day I've been binding Tracks Shoes to Pallets X.x... Im soooooooo sore; I've been worse, but still, Im tired xD
Thinking of Amy and having 'feelings'; like if she is hurting right now; I just got a pain in the chest... kind of like a pain you get when you are nervous or something; or when you love someone; or when you cant wait to get something that you know is already out and you can't wait to get your hands on it.... if you know what I mean; then that is how I feel... but constantly thinking of her X.x. I hope this is one of the times when My 'feelings' are wrong.
Besides that; not much has been going on... I returned to AWFF for a while.. and meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh; whatever... I want to get out of here
Monday, January 10, 2005
Item Of The Day~ Weapon
xD! I got my weapon back today =p; it was a pain to get it cuz the guy that was supposed to giv it to me didnt wanna wake up; lol... so I pulled his feet and he got all pissed xD.. I had to leave for a convoy in 30 mins, but he was still sleeping... so one of mah bosses got his ass up; and he was pissed at me xD... so he finally gave it to me without saying a word or looking at moi =p; screw him xD.
In 10 mins I cleaned the weapon, got rounds; mounted the 50 cal. and left the camp for another one ^^.. Im gunning again babY! Beware of the man with the machine gun xD. the trip was uneventfull; but I got a couple of games and a memory card for the gamecube, so now Im playing metroid 2 ^__^; so far I like the first better than this one.
I also got Onimusha 3, and Resident evil X code veronica for the GCube... hmmm other than that; I've been creating my sorceress for the RP ^__^; she'll take some time to do.. but it might be worth it xD!...
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Random Thought Of The Day~ Kids >_>!!
xD... akward moment of saying what I was thinking in that one moment <_<!.. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the idea; but the subject is nevertheless surprising... so I understand the sudden shock blah blah xD
hmmm, today I didnt do jack; just stay in the office and chill, watching xfiles, using the internet; talking to a few ppl; checking out the boards, etc... nothing too surprising. At one point I almost came to tears; but I didn't... I have to be strong for others... if I show weakness, then others will feel it; and it'll make them sad too... so in order to avoid that; I must be strong.
The RP site is getting pretty active again; even tho Daire left.. other 5 people came and are posting lots =] including some old members comming back and stuff ^^; it's cool.
Right now Im kinda sneaking in the internet xD!... Im supposed to sign up for the internet, but I didn't; instead I just placed my ID card in the slot, and slyly jumped into a comp xD!!!.. so they shouldnt be calling me number up at all ^^... only bad thing is.... MSN doesnt work on this comp -.-
MEH!... Zanza is the smartest, trickiest, slyest person in this room today >=]
Saturday, January 08, 2005
Mood Of The Day~ Unusually Happy!!!
Im feeling unusually happy today; I don't know why! But I woke at 5 am, and went online; and when I was done... I was haaaaaappy! and it lasted for the rest of the day xD
Well; let's start the blog up by telling u about Daire =p; we had a fight because she was too stubborn to send a PM to me explaining some story lines for the FFVIII-2 site; I had gotten on her ass before for not doing so... and well; being a super mod; she should know better and follow the rules that are actually written in the rules & guidelines, u know?... well she did it again so I kinda got on her; and she still refused to PM me =p... so I got on her again and she got all pissed; so she quitted the Super Mod position and also takes a break from the site o.0.... Hormones I tell u xD!
well, that made my day xD... and well; after that it has been chilling =]; all day was spent on packing and inspection of what we are sending back to Germany... and lemme tell u... Im so happy! I got rid of all my stuff; spent some quality time with my buddies here and joking and laughin all day; it was awesome... they let me send my swords back to Germany as well; so its cool.
hmmm right now Im talking to Tom and we are sorting stuff out; site stuff and some personal stuff also... which is great; I like the guy, and it sux that he is going through some shitte; but he seems to be doing better, which is cool.. well that's about it ^__^ cyas all!
Friday, January 07, 2005
Event Of The Day~ Packing!!
fun today!!! ... NOT! I dunno; Im in an aphatic mood (I think that was it >_>).. you know, where you aren't either angry, or happy or sad.. you are just there.
That's the intro; now for the stuff of today.. today was mostly packing and working on binding track shoes to pallets; so they could be turned in later... man, today is such a boring day; only thing in my mind is to get throught another day.... and another... and another one like that for another 45 days or so; so I can finally meet up with peeps.
Meh... still feeling tired today; but not as bad as past days =p
Special Thing Of The Day~ Heart
Well; I have problems sleeping again... but I wont go to the aid station because it'll just be a waste of time; and ppl will think I'm bullshitting...so meh; I'll just hope I can wake on time and have enough strenght to stay awake everyday -.- *yawn*
Ok, so Amy got the full body check up at the hospital like I asked her to (thanks to her for doing it); and they found out what is wrong with her... well, she has a weak heart; and basically if she doesn't eat the right things and in the right amounts; it could hurt her... so meh.... at least I'm glad I told her to do the exam before anything happened... now at least she knows what is wrong with her and what to do... So much for diets xD!
what else happened today? well, I worked in the office mostly, cuz there was nothing to do in turn-in's; so I watched the first disc of X-files in there of season 4 ^__^... kinda surprises me just how many ppl like the series, hehe... everyone was watching it xD... Oh and Leo got me 'Metroid Prime 2'!!! xD!! yaaaaaay... can't wait to get back so I can play it ^__^
that's about it for today =p
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
News Of The Day~ Pain
meh.... I worked hard today... thats all I gotta say about how my day was.... more preocupied I am, is about Amy's Health... damn man... what will I do without her T___T *actual tears starting to form*... .... ... *sigh* listening to 'breath no more' of Evanescence isn't helping my mood either *cries*.... damn I hate being in an internet cafe; can't do anything without being watched by everyone...
Sorry.... I'm going off like this and I haven't explained what's wrong... well she passed out for like 8 hours... and she hasn't been the healtiest of people either, for some years; god I hope it's nothing serious... *sighs*.
Man, I dont even feel like posting anymore; all I have to say is that I've been feeling a little sick since yesterday... and I've been tired all the time.. like if I want to sleep but can't and my eyes itches me... I've felt like this for some time now; like we are connected; and that we feel each others pain whenever it happens; wether we realice how it is connected and if it is; is another story... but there is a link; of that I am sure
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Fact Of The Day~ I'm Not Crazy... Or So Said The Doctors!
hehehe; I went to mental evaluation today and they finally said that I'm not crazy (what do they know?); So today was my last day going to mental ^_^v... I don't know; I liked being thought of as crazy xD... maybe I'll snap again hehehe... Well, I'm still wondering who 'Me' is xD... Ok, right now Im in the other camp going online and starting today I'm back at my old job =]... kinda makes me happy since we aren't doing much, and as hard as it is to admit, I kinda missed my co-workers >_>!
Oh yeah! today I went to get my ID tags and I went with Saxton; so there was this latino girl helping me; and it was soooooo obvious that she liked me =p; so I just kept being friendly like I always am; and she ended up giving me her phone number! xD!!! when we got out Saxton said to me 'You got skills man; you even talked with your accent so she would ask you where you were from and start a conversation'....hahaha! that made me laugh so much xD...
But I told him that I already have someone and that I'm not like him (dating more than 1 girl at the same time); and he said that he knows; but that if I wanted to I could 'get some' *rolls eyes* .... only thing I didn;t like that he said was "Some day you will learn man; you will learn that womans are easy"... (by that he meant sex BTW).... Well; I admit some are... maybe most; but not all =p
Today I ate Burger King xD!
Monday, January 03, 2005
Truth Of The Day~ Lies
Yeah; lies and truth and confusion were present between 3 people; which included myself and Amy and someone else o.0... well, basically I heard that he was going out with her and I was kinda surprised that she hadn't told me about it; besides... it's not that I like or trust that 3rd person anyways xD... but nevertheless I had to get a clarification on things o.0... and after an Email and a lil bit of talking; everything was explained. As I thought they weren't and never were going out in the first place.
Well; thats it for that! now for some good news... IM NOT GOING TO THE OTHER CAMP! xD which is cool cuz I was worried about them not having internet over there and stuff; and I hate moving also X.x... so Im pretty much happy that I'm not going; and I promise I'll work hard to compensate and give thanx for that change ^__^
Hmmm, more good news?. ohyeah! today was the ceremony that concluded our stay in Iraq and welcomed the new guys to take over... I was part of the color guard, and I was the one holding the rifle and doing fancy stuff besides the american flag and all that bullshit xD; well good news is that a lot of pictures were taken of me holding the rifle and stuff; so I should be in some kind of magazine =] (famous Zanza and proof that I've been in Iraq and Im important)... also a Coin was given to my by a General that is also proof that Im good at what I do and that I was here in Iraq in operation Iraqi freedom 2 (it says so in the coin).
But today was a mess before the ceremony! xD; I only had one hour of sleep and I had to clear my armor thingy; it wasnt dry by the time of the ceremony so it was all wet when I was doing the ceremony.. and it was cold!!! also I had to borrow Trevors jacket cuz mine were missing the 'combat patch' on the shoulder!; so there I was cold, wet and with someone elses clothes on! xD... it was fun =]
Well; thats it for today!
Sunday, January 02, 2005
Death Count Of The Day~ 150.000 +
That is the death count so far thanx to the tsunami that hit India about a week ago >_>!... that sucks a lot, I just want them to know (if any of them ever reads this) that if I could help I would; people care and they aren't alone.
Anyways; I had my first dream ever about Amy >_>... yeah I know; it's been a while and maybe I should of have dreamt about her sooner or whatever; so ok, here is mah dream; nothing special really.
I am in a strange house and it seems that I am staying there for a couple of days; it also seems that it used to be a house where she lived... she wasn't there; but then I moved to anther house where she was at; I spent the night over there but we weren't really like 'close'; there was something that didn't let us be ourselfs... maybe akwardness or something; who knows... but we didnt do nothing other than just see each other; not really talk or anything o.0... it was weird.
On another topic; it seems I am going to the other base in a couple of days; and I might be spending 20+ days there... Im telling you, that place is a shit hole; its small as fuck and there is nothing there; I dont think they even got internet.. I heard a rumour that they were putting the internet up right now... but I have my doubts... so If Im not here anymore; you know what happened.
Meh; I dont know.... Im feeling blue since yesterday; I didnt wanna do nothing but sleep today.... its a shitty day really; right now Im talking to Rachael on MSN; she's cool.. meh, thats it; Im too blue to continue hehehe
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Pain Of The Day~ My F@cking Knee!!!
AAAAHHH My Knee! Fuck that hurt!; I was walking in the dark in the 'sidewalk'; and for a whole year it had been unobstructed... but today some smart people put a barrier up; so I didn't see it! Next thing I know I hit my knee on a corner, then as I was trying to figure out what was going on and what I hit myself with; I fell forward and tripped on the barrier... next thing I know; I did a summersault and I was laying on the ground holding my knee X.x....
Feeeeeck; damn barrier -.-... meh! but other than that; my day has been chillin'; I had to do some Color Guard practice (you know, holding flags; rifles, etc for ceremonies) and I gotta do some more tomorrow at 930 am; I was supposed to work today but it got cancelled ^_^; so yet again I didnt do anything today other than play games =].
Man Im telling u.. Star Ocean 3 ish hard! Im in some kind of lava cave or whatever and no matter how much I attack the dudes; it always hits em Zero ! It's like they are invincible!!! Geh!!!.. and to make matters worse; mah boss told me that Im going to another camp in the middle of nowhere with no internet for 26 days or so tomorrow X.x.... But here is the thing... I got no weapon (Got taken away from me xD!!!); and past past tomorrow I got an appointment in another camp.. so I dont think I'll go...
But knowing these people; they'll prolly make me go anyways and Ill be without internet T____T; SUCKAGE! whole month without it, geh!