Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Yo!, Im in Kuwait right now and I'll be leaving for USA in a few hours; all thats left to do here is to check on my baggage and go to the airport and board the plane =)... I'll be going to Atlanta and from there Im taking a commercial flight to Venezuela... for those that still doubt that Im going there =p... the flight number is DL 907, by delta airlines xD... it's on the 30th of June it should be departing at 1622 ^___^
Just trying to make you guys trust me, nothing more =)... aaaah well I got 3 CD's... I got one CD of Orgy and I got 2 Tori Amos CD's... she's pretty good ^^v... also got me a couple anime DVDs and I got me Angel season 3!!!! WAHEY! ... if you can't tell I'll tell you. IM HAPPY so =p.
Hope everyone is happy, or at least not too upset >_<!... like I told someone once "I'll see you on another tomorrow"
Sunday, June 27, 2004
lalala, today was HOT! too hot for my liking -.-; been sweating and stinking like a pig >_<! anyways, left remagen at 9am or so, then spent the whole day at anaconda, turned in my weapon and now IM just chilling in the MWR tent, where I took a shower ~YAY~ And went online *waves* also I played vampire the masquerade which is lamost done with ^^.. annddd nothing, watched a couple of movies also at the tent.
I showed Amy about 8 bit theater and she seems to like it ^^. and bleh nothing much going on.. just bored... tomorrow I get on a C130 and leave for Kuwait.. wahey!
Saturday, June 26, 2004
aaaahhhh... lots of convos; well not really lots.. but just important ones and important decisions... u know? well; first mayor decision is that Im going to Venezuela instead of England for the time being... figured I might as well make someone happy you know? ^^.
and well I dont feel like exlplaining much of whats going on now... I just want to let you guys know that a chapter of my life ended and Im starting a new one =).. it feels good because Im not completely loosing everything from the last one like ussually happens; so Im just glad.
Well, tomorrow (today actually... its 2 am now) Im leaving on vacation FINALLY! and I'll stop emailing everyone but Amy, same for MSN... but Ill keep this blog updated while Im there... just to piss you guys off Im going to write some parts in it in spanish mwahahhah!!!... well Im gone... byes!
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
today, not much happened... itseems Kelly didnt understad the meaning of what I told her yesterday in the email xD... ah wel its all goood
Also, today slept until 5 pm; annddd I had a class on sexual harrasment... AGAIN!.. its not just me, its everyone =p, so dont get any ideas xD... aaaah what else? it feels good to have a break from womans =p; well mostly the problems that I've been having lately; but I feel bad for blocking them and changing all the passwords... but formy happyness I had to do it... Im tired of placing other peoples happyness before my own.
After that class I had to go to a metting where they explained about R&R.... all they did was just tell us not to go AWOL and advises on how to behave while on vacation... it was alright, made me think that Im doing te complete opposite of what I should be doing n order to enjoy vacations xD.. but thats me alright...always doing what others dont expect or tell me to do.. doing the ilogical.
Im leaving for R&R the 26th or 27th; Im leaving earlier than planned so I'll be able to surprise em once I just randomly wait for them on their way to skool ^^, bet Kelly will feel that Im what they are saying I am... but I know myself and she knows also even if they have corrupted her mind with those thoughts -.-... well; Ill just come up to her and be all serious and say "Well, what is it going to be?" hehehe... bleeeh whatever..... They dont need me anymore, they learned enough in this time to keep them alive, specially Jade =).
And thats it for the update... ciao! ^__^
It has occured... I blocked Kelly & Jade, ive hcanged my email pasword, my ff8 password, my blog's addy and a lot of other shit...
"I've taken in all the pain I can, I've trusted as much as I could, I've pushed as far as I can and I've loved as much as I could...I'll see you later"... that was the last that I wrote Kelly and Jade, hopefully they'll get my hint where I say that Im not gonna talk to them nomore...next tiem I talk to them will be when I see them in person.
But my surprise was Amy... or Claire... she helped me out make up my mind... if I wasnt in this mess I think I would of have fallen for her, but I cannot take that risk... not yet... it wouldnt be fair for no-one.. I was pushed to this.... Kelly thinks Im dangerous, everyone hates me there; Jade... I dont knwo what to do with her anymore.... It is just enough; I cant take this any longer I took in all I could and I did more than anyone I believe...
Claire... thank you... a lot... thank you...you might of have just saved me =). We are even now ^___^...
Good bye internet life as I knew it; I loved it and hated it while it lasted.. but enough is enough; this chapter of my life has ended.... and I have to admit that Im kind of glad it did
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Im tired.... Im very tired; and I dont mean physically... my head is tired. I told Kelly about a 5 day break, saying that she might need one... but the truth is that I was the one that wanted to dissapear for a while... Im the one that needs to do the thinking... well whatever. I keep going back and forth in my head.... OH OH SONG!
"I've lied to you, the same way that I always do
This is the last smile, that I'll fake for the sake of being with you
why I never walked away, why I bring myself this way
now I see your testing me, pushes me away
Ive tried like you, to do everything you wanted to
this is the last time, Ill take to blame for the sake of being with you"
It just came up and it's one of my fave songs =); so well anyways back into subject... I said fuck it with my meaning of life.. actually it was Kelly who said it =p...but I realiced that Im not like that anymore either... there is nothing I can do on my own to give meaning to my life, (if I even am supposed to have one); the meaning of life is given to you by people close to you.... others give you meaning to live, not yourself and ideologies.
bleh, ok so on to a lighter subject... HAHAHAHHAHA! yesterday It was fun ^___^, I puled a prank on some of my bosses and friends ^^; I got a picture of 3 of em together looking all tough so I went and printed it out and I typed right below it
"WANTED!! The Gay Lords" xD!!! And then I started to describe them as a mafia group and stuff, it was sooo hilarious, everyone on the base thinks it is... thats right EVERYONE.. I printed the whole thing and made many copies and placed them everywhere around the camp xD!!!.... aaaah I had so much fun yesterday with that =)
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Update: I've decided (yet again); I wont let it bother me or get me down any longer... I know Kelly and Jade want to meet me, and I know I want to meet them... both of us are ready to pay whatever cost to see each other... so I dont see why it should keep bothering me what others say or think of me... or what they think they can do to me.
As long as we know the consequences and even after that we are willing to take the risk... then I sholdnt let it bother me whatever else happens.. I should feel great!! and so I will from now on. I wont get depressed any onger or upset about things I hear, even if they come from those 2; because I know what they wish for....
Soooo dont worry, Im fine =)... today Ill be online all day and night cuz Im in guard at the internet place ^__^
Sunday, June 20, 2004
"The Man With The Child In His Eyes".... it's been playing over and over and over and over and over and over in my head... seems like that is the only song I know o.0... anyways; finally received info about how Jade is doing; it really sucks because some annonymus person has been giving out information about me, but the thing is that, whomever it is; its giving out things that occurred along with things that are false >_<!!
Like ok, it's true that I met up with Kelly in London along with Sam and Gilly; that is no secret and everyone that is friends out them know about it... but then they add false things like 'I go around asking other girls for sex...' I mean WTF!? Why would I do that when I have perfectly grown woman in the same base that I am in? Why would I go to another country and harrass lil' girls? not only that; but talk to them for a whole year?... I dont think no-one would be that desperate to have sex with a minor o.0.
Well, they can send me threaten me, they can lie about me, I can let them kick the crap out of me, they can report me... but the bottom line is that I have never done anything to help build this distrust around me.. what? is it so bad to be older? is it so bad to be younger?...why cant others beside me, trust them as I do? there is an infiniy of questions that will never be answered and will forever haunt my mind making me loose hope in humanity... Am I so different just because for a change in their life's they got someone that looks not down on their age, but the person they are?
Anyways; Im done trusting others again.. I do not know who backstabbed all of us and lied about me; but it is someone that is a friend of either Kelly or Jade's.. or maybe even both... someone that I had considered a friend too and trusted with t knowledge of my actions... I didnt let them know just because of trust on their side.. but I also wanted them to trust me, see for themselfs that I am who I say I am and nothing else, I have nothing to hide.... I wanted them to trust me so they wouldnt bug Jade or Kelly about it.
I believe I have ranted quite enough for one post... Fuck, I hope they dont suffe toomuch because of my existance...
Saturday, June 19, 2004
power went out yesterday and I couldnt go online!! >__
The power is stil out, but Im in an MWR in another camp, so I dont have mah replies to Kellys/Tony's email with me now, so I cant send em -.-; well I gtg.. update laterz!
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OK! Power is back on and Im online ^___^, what really sux is that Kelly is at dad's and wont be able to come online for a whiel cuz library is closed -.-... bleeeeeh... well as for the update!.... Well, main thing is that I broke up with Jade; meh I shouldnt even be mentioning it over here cuz tehre are too many eyes that lurk around the net o.o... but whatever, u know? and y? I'll keep the reasons to myself... pretty sure other individuals that know why, will explain it anyways... which is annoying, but meh.
Then there is the fact that I've been receiving threatening Emails from a certain someone =p and I've replied nicely, but he keeps cursing me out and being immature about things... so I'm blocking his Email address so I cant read him anymore. If he feels like having a civilized discussion, then I'll gladly talk.. but until then; he can go calm down his own hormones. If I can do it, anyone can also.
hmmm what else? oh yeah today there was this chick that got me wet on purpose! =o!! so I took the bottle of water away from her and splashed her a lil >=)... but she splashed me again!!! oooh noooo, thats WAR!!, I took a big bottle of water and chased her around for like 5 minutes... I couldnt catch her, but I found her helmet and I filled it with Water instead.. mwwahhahahaha!.. she got pissed =p... Like I told her." dont start something you cant finish!"... Maybe I should listen to my own words once in a while....
another thing? 8 MORE DAYS!!! yup, Im starting to make my way out of this place in 8 days =O!! And the grat thing is that I finally remembered my credit card pin number ^__^ I was almost going crazy with the idea that I had forgotten it and I wouldnt be able to take money out for the whole 2 weeks that Im gonna be out! >_______<!.. that would of have ruined everything... Did I mention I hate money?
Also I got the whole Matrix trilogy today, and Im done with part 1 and Im halfway through the second one!; tehre is a firing range tomorow, but since I qualified already, then Im taking JT's place at D-cell... meaning?.. Ill be sleeping all day again xD!!!, its good to have breaks like this u know?.. anything else to mention? ...... did I ever mention about the lil kitten that we have in my office? ^___^ is soooooo cute! Im domesticating him =)!, I play with him, pet him, feed him... nd today was the first time that he saton my lap and let himself be petted for more than 30 seconds xD
Well, and I got Puddle of Mudd's new CD today. havent heard it yet o.o... bleh!
Friday, June 18, 2004
Today was pretty alright, didnt do shit in the morning.. went out on convoy and then didnt do shit there either xD!... came back at 1900 and didnt do shit either mwahhaha today inda owned =).
I knew today would come thought... I knew that the break up was comming, I just wished that it never would of have had to come... Im annoyed with being backstabbed, so Im not trusting anyone anymore and Im being like before I met Jade/Kelly; Im not gonna talk about my personal life or past to anyone anymore, because I keep getting hurt by it... Only people I'll trust now is those 2 previous names.
meh, sorry again Cure, hope u understand and kind f hope you were expecting it so it doesnt hurt you too much >_<! I'll still be here tho, just not in 'that' way... here is the reply I got back from Mr. Tony...
"did you not understand my e.mail or what you thick cunt.
me or jades mother and the other parents of the children you talk to do not want
you to have anything to do with them. you cannot talk to children of this age, it is not right.
you have no right to talk to jade behind our backs. i'm fucking warning you your making my
wife sick with worry, now fucking back off or else, i fucking mean it. i said to you don't tell anyone about this and you fucking have. if you drive a wedge between jade and her mother
i will come looking for you. if you don't back off i will notify the police. you cannot talk to children on the internet its against the law your 23 years old for fucks sake. let them talk to people there own age. not 23ry old perverts like you. if you were here now you'd get lynched.
we will find out where your stationed and report you to your superiers. now get on with your life and let us get on with ours.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
hehehe, Im pissed... well I was... am... whatever =p; just dudes and bosses giving me shit to do when Im doing something or Im busy; another thing that ticks me off is when people see Im busy or doing something at the time and then they ask me to do something else; to interrupt whatever Im doing just because they are too fucking lazy to do it themselfs. So I was kept on working until late. SGT T went on R&R so I'm taking care of teh box for him, so now instead of just doing T-I Im doing box also -.- geeeeeh; I wonder who will be the first person I grab by the neck and choke... I bet it'll be Saxton; he keeps saying how much he trusts me and shit, heh... I'll show him not to trust me -.-; Yeah my two sideness makes it hard to predict me or how I'll behave in between days... Which is fun =); "Things that don't change are so lame" thats a quote from Saiyuki xD. Besides today, Yesterday was pretty OK.. Had water detail with Ashford... he is cool, he is a lot like me in somethings; in others he is the complete opposite =p... cool dude. Anyways we only had to do a lil of work, so we were joking around and just being silly; like we were filling this water jugs but he kept getting me wet as I held the jugs... so When he was done I just took the hose away from his and soaked him xD!, it was fun... but then it turned sour when another one of my bosses said that the route changed so we had to go to other different places until late -.-... annoying shit I tell u. I was so tired that I couldnt stay awake... and the tiredness followed me to the present =p.. meaning, Im still tired as feck, even tho I took 2 naps today >_<... must be that Im catching up on sleep or something. Hmmm...I've been having some mental images... *thinks*... wonders... the future... everything is so clear and so misty at the same time, it's disturbing me... everything so obvious and I cant understand things... ah well; I'll just let it roll and see what happens ^__^............. UPDATE! Jade's dad sent me an email kinda treating me lol!!!... Hmmm... yeah sure I'll put his email up here ^___^
" you don't know me but you better listen carefully you sick cunt.
Monday, June 14, 2004
tadaaaaa! I slept all day today at D-cell cuz I didnt sleep at all last nite xD, been talking a lot With Kelly lately... I kind worry that she stays up so late just cuz Im there to talk to ... but then again, I do the same and cant leave early cuz Im not sleepy and I wanna talk anyways O_O... Wish Jade could be here that late also T__T
hmm just like Kelly was thinking about how Im so much into her life and stuff... I've been thinkin for a while how Jade and herself are the center of my life also... is like, everything I do in life is based on them; even caring about life is based on them, my future and plans for it are based on them... yeah they are special. Either that or Im the wierdest guy alive... which isnt too far from the truth xD
Yesterday I shot on the firing range, and like always I was one of the top guys -.-; it feel sso good to be the one of the best at almost everything you do; but it feel terribly when you get used to it and then get your ass kicked... yeah thats right, Ima sore looser =p.. god thing that I dont loose too often and things ^__^... well, thats about it.... Im worried that Amy hasnt sent me an email or nothing... I gotta send her one bleh...
Friday, June 11, 2004
hmmmm... bleh today; I went to that other place with the convoy and nothing happened, it was boring, I ate lots and slept in a sofa... someone took a pic of me in the sofa sleeping and I look UGLY! but like, as ugly as I can get eewww... I hate my profile; I got the pic, but I aint showing it to no-one, and Im in a bad mood so dont even try bugging me to get the pic because u'll make me more pissy...
the reason Im pissy? cuz Of Jade saying too much about stuff -.-... I mean it's cool if it stays inside, in my 'lil trust circle'.. but fuuuck, one would have thought that she would of have understood when I said that I didnt like it when she told ppl about the C*w*oy thing... -.-... ah whatever, Kelly isnt receiving mah emails and tomorrow (later today cuz its already 1230 am of the 12th) Im going on a firing range.. which means that Im firing my weapon =).... time to let out some stress =p
Thursday, June 10, 2004
Yo, sup? aaaah well yesterday was boring .. til the night came xD. I was called upon to get rid of a snake (aaah its so good to know that my reputation of reptile lover has spread throught out the army) hehehe, So like, I was all ready to catch the snake, which was about 2 meters long; but then came this dude and poked it with a stick, and it crawled into a hole in the wall >___
Then well, I was on MSN and TONS of windows greeted me =p... I could barely keep track of the convos with Jade, Kelly, Charlie, Tom, Lobsang, Annies O_O! it sucked, specially since all of them wanted to see me on my webcam xD! At least I got to see tom and his long hair lo.. he looks cool, Wish I could grow my hair that long and do a pony tail T___T... Maybe when I get out of the army .... actually Im pretty sure I'll let my hair grow to like under my eyes and on the back I'd have it long enough to make a pony tail =p... I'l try it out.. and if I dont like it, then I go back to short.... but not TOO SHORT! >_
Oh yeah and Dont forget the colorness of it all... talking about colorfull... Kelly and Jade where going on about my ass and how they want me to loose my arse virginity xD at least Kelly; yade never really agreed to it, she just commented on it xD!... amusing but... ITS NOT GONNA HAPPEN!, specially not with a strap on nor cucumber.. or any veggie for that matter =p!!!. I wonder if Kelly will really try to get me to loose it, or get me to kiss another guy =p
Bleh, on another topic, I found out that someone that used to be a good friend of mine (we stopped talking when I got kiked out of my house) got into being a goth porn model on the net -.-... he profile reads " like the taste of your blood on my tits" it would be kinda amusing if it wasnt for the fact that I know the person >_<.
Today I got my Escaflwone DVDs!! =O!!! amazing! xD, and escaed from work for like... 6 hours xD hehehe was supposed to be doing something, but ppl never came, I was supposed to report back and never did xD
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
God Im so boooooored!, I slept 2 hours last nite and they didntlet me sleep at EPW >_< (detention center) so; Im about to pass the fuck out -.-. pardon m english... Im moody when I dont get enough sleep; Ive been mean to some guys over here... well, not mean, but not nice, u know? like Ignoring them, not giving them straight answers but smart ass ones.... I just dont want ppl to bother me when Im like this -.-... Anyways, I told Jose about the situation with Jade, some stuff about Kelly, what will happen, what Ive done to myself >_>...I didnt like his attitude -.-.... lil bugger thinks that Im the best thing in the world and now I put all this on him xD I wonder what he'll say to me next time I talk to him? =?.... Did I mention I got a webcam now? ^__^, had a lil missunderstanding with kelly about that.... and Lobsang came on and he saw me and called me old!! =O!! how dare he! he is soooooo dead =p. One last thing; I emailed a buncha ppl that I had on my EMail addy lists, half of em I didnt even recognice at all O_O, I feel so retarded XD, Hope a lot of em reply to tha email, it would be nice =)... so far, Eve, Kiyo and Amy have replied... whic is coolz =).... god I need some sleep.. Im not staying til late tonite.
Monday, June 07, 2004
CONGRATS ON MY 3000 VISITS COUNT!! xD... sorry I couldnt help it ^___^; just thinking about people viewing my baka life for 3000 times seems somewhat... unreal >_<; why are people interested in this old fool, that he doesnt even post here to often?... who knows or cares; but thanx for dropping by!! as a present to you guys Im gonna try to bring back the chat thingy that I had in here before =)
Well, the last few days have been alright, I was going to say 'nothing special' but that would be a lie... a lot of special things and special people have come my way; either bad or good, they are special nontheless =)... aaah well, I got myself a webcam yesterday and I already showed K&J on MSN ^__^; bet they are having nightmares by now o.o..... And what is with Jade saying that I look hot with my hair like that? o.0.... ah whatever, I know Kel doesnt agree with her mwahahha... must be her.. yup!
anyways, Yesterday I had the color guard thingy and I had to stand there for an hour without moving, while holding a weapon at right shoulder arms.. it was 128 farenheit and we had a lot of gear on... you can imagine how much I was sweating. and even more, how much I wanted to whipe the sweat off my face xD... but I did it =), I didnt receive no congratulating words, but I dont care since I got 3 days off in a row thanx to it hehhee...
Been talking to Amy... I think quite a lot >_>; it might not be the most interesting conversations ever, or creative; but I enjoy em a lot... I gotta ask her where she lives at exactly =q... ok thats it, IM OUT OF HERE!
Thursday, June 03, 2004
You can ask anyone everyone will agree.... What is worse than dying? Living in pain.
Now comes the second question.... If living is pain unbearable... and you dont commit suicide, does that mean that you are brave? or just a coward?
whatever the aswer is, the only fact is that Im still alive... you guys can consider me either a coward or a brave person for staying alive and also for saying what I said yesterday on MSN. I do often wonder what the right path is; that is when I realice that there is no path for me to take; Im lost in a jungle where there are no signs nor roads, and to top things off it's raining and Im shivering alone, lost in a forest of trees that loook alike, soon hypothermia will kick in and I'll probably be lost forever in a veil of eternal darkness.
But I cover myself and feed, I try to survive and get out of the living maze, it is not because I wish to suffer more and loose hope as time vanishes and the scythe grows nearer by the tic of the clock... But because I don't want this for me, I wasn't lost before and therefore must be an exit where all the people I know await for me with arms wide open, greeting me with their smiles and warming my cool body with the heat of their love and careess.
That is the reason I seek the way out; but now my feet are getting stuck in the mud created by the rain in this lonesome jungle.
.
.
.
If you didnt understand that, then here is my life at the moment explained in casual manner.
"Im in deep shit and I dont know what to do, and the fault is mine. I try to make things better but I only end up getting more stuck on what to do next; hope vanishes as the memory of happyness grows thin... I feel like Im on quicksand.. the more you struggle, the faster it swallows you... the more you fight, the worse it gets"