Thursday, April 01, 2004
hmmmm.... wow.. last 2 days have been mentally exhausting.. (sp), well and physically too, cuz I havent slept that much. Too many things and emotions on my head... the reasons? wel... I can't put up neither one of the reasons because of the eyes that rad my blog >_>.... but I can tell you one thing... actually I can telll you how I feel or what I did about those 2 completly different things.
In one I feel kind of free, I feel like a weight has been lifted and well... I didnt realice how 'meaningfull' it really is until after it was talked about. And Im actually getting pretty excited about it >_>...
now for the second thing.. which happened the same day =/... After a serious event. I felt like I had lost all hopes.. that I wouldnt be able to carry on living if something bad happened while I was there... So I cried and cried as I havent done since my first GF; and I also let out silenced screams (I couldnt scream out loud because I would wake evryone up... it was about 130 am) I felt so hopeless... but I decided I culdnt just stand and watch as everything just dissapears. I would feel even worse... so I decided to do the most I can for that person... al I can offer I will do it. No matter if it makes me suffer wihtout my friend knowing about it... all that matter is that persons happyness...
And thats about it... love and sadnes at the extreme at the same nigh at the same moment.... I was pretty nerve shaking.. but I feel a lot better than I did before those 2 incidents happened... and I mean a LOT better... like if I have more knowledge or something.. thats not what i want to say. but I dont have words to describe this feelings... =).... Im happy now