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Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Mood~ (Warui/Bad)

I leave tonight. FUCK!... sorry xD! I got really depressed lest nite and my heart still aches some from when I turned off my mobile... for the next year it wont be turned on again >_<...

Vote please! (Everyone do me a favor... everytime you come and check my blog, plz click on the voting sites ^__^.)

http://www.ffvortex.co.uk/topsite/in.php?id=47

http://ogn-inc.com/cgi-bin/fftopsites/topsites.cgi?laguna

http://topsites.hellandheavennet.com/in.php?id=356

http://www.top-co.com/cgi-bin/ezrankvu.pl?pagename=Final_Fantasy&ID=98

http://www.gamelists.net/ff/in.php?id=64

Monday, February 09, 2004

Mood~ (Warui/Bad)

heh, yesterday night I was ambushed by Charlie and Rui on MSN xD!! all I said to rui was 'I hate when people dont believe me'... he asked who said that? and I replied that 'no matter what I say you wouldnt believe me anyways' so I blocked him.. and hten Charlie came right behind him and started saying 'how she tried to like me for the sake of Jade and stuff, and some other things xD!'....

Who said I wanted them to like me? all I ever wanted was to believe me and not become looser by coming to stupid conclusions about someone they dont know... and All I wantede was for them to give support to Jade. But I guess I set the standard too high.

Anyways, I blocked them both and enjoyed some quiet time on MSN with Jade and watched some hilarious FF movies! xD!!! specially the big brother one... here are some quotes:

~Squall: "Oh shit!"

~Mario: "my-a-cock!"

~Tifa when trasnformed to yuffie: "AAH, I got no breasts!"

ROTFLMAO! aaaah sorry, I just needed to laugh ^_^, after wards I want with Cesar to the rock corner (bar) and we had a few beers and played pool, he really opened up to me and started saying that Im the only on in the whole base to whom he can tell stuff.. because he knows that no matter what happens, I would never tell anyone about his personal life... hehehe... I dont know if it was because he had too many beer or what... but this was actually the first time that someone I know IRL and not from the internet; has told me this =)... so it made me happy.

today is boredomness... too bad that Utty is sick and couldnt go to skool, she feels bad that she couldnt be there with Jade today, hence all the hostility there will be today for sure >_But thats not all, I called Cesar and we both recorded a new ringer! here is what we said while singing:

~Cesar: "Super Dykes!"

~Zanza: "Eres una puta, mira maricon" (you are a bitch, look here gay) "Hey, what the hell is wrong with you? give me back my pictures bitch!... you are a ho!...a pimp ho!"

~Cesar: "Super Dykes"

And that was it xD!... dont worry, Im not mad or nothing, its just how we talk to each other, calling us each other names and threatening, but not really meaning it ^__^... I set that ringer as the one that will be heard everytime he gets a call/text, his alarm clock, and also everytime he turns the phone on or off, he will hear me while looking at me flicking him off!!

oooh god, so much fun! >=D

Sunday, February 08, 2004

this was a convo after math of David and Jade.. how we all sorted it out (well... basically I made him sort himself out xD!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Übermitteln Sie bei Sofortnachrichten niemals Ihr Kennwort oder Ihre Kreditkartennummer.

Sie unterhalten sich mit im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! My eyelids sink into the blackened canvas where the dreams are painted. wurde der Unterhaltung hinzugefügt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: ok, now lets all have a good talk and sort things out

My eyelids sink into the blackened canvas where the dreams are painted. sagt: Oh right,,,here^^

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: ok

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: orcward silence...

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: hey, u the one fighting here dave, so u let out what u have to say and Ill explain =)

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: hurry your ass up dammit

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: IM SCARED THERE IS THAT WOT U ALL WANT..... FOR ME TO CRY WELL NOW IM DOIN IT AND JADE IF U WANT ILL FONE U UP SO U CAN HERE ME CRYIN UD LIKE THAT UR ALWAYS ASKIN ME 2

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: oh god.. you are even more pathetic

My eyelids sink into the blackened canvas where the dreams are painted. sagt: I only ask you to cry cuz I never heard a boy cry:P

My eyelids sink into the blackened canvas where the dreams are painted. sagt: I don't mean for you to do it naturallly :S

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: faking that your uncle wsa on MSN... lying about a conversation wensday... and now I bet you are faking a cry or lying again... I hate fucking liars so cut the crap and be a man

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: what wrong? scared to tak now because we both found out about how much of a looser you are? hurry up! there is no time to createlies now

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: my uncle woz a joke imreally cry get jade 2 fone if u really want proof and of corse im gunna be scared because i dont wanna loose my nan just like jade doesnt wanna loose u and i woz talkin to jade in that space of time

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: bull shit you didnt even like your nan, cut the crap man. Just say that you are a selfish being so pathetic that you need to call others like me paedo... even tho you met me in person and I didnt do anything then. CMON! admit that you cant stand the idea of jade loving someone else.

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: now you are running to a girl to speak for you? man... I should even call you a man, because you arent... cant even tell me something face to face

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: i dont care who she loves but even if i didnt totaly love my nan i still dont want her to die and not b in my life any more and any way my mum and nan are talkin again because my nan doent want them to have had an argument wen shes dead!

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: let me copy what you said to her.... "im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! says: can u get zanza to get off my bak he wants us to have agood talk but he just takin da piss bout me"

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: now now... you started this crap and think Im a liar and paedo... and threaten me to kick me out of the army and also hurting jade's feelings... I told you to consider me your enemy if you took this path

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: i woz just askin her to talk 2 u so u will actully listen and we can talk like sivilised ppl

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: and I never break promises because Im a man and I dont lie or make excuses like you are

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: and you call yourself a friend?

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: to who im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: i wannabe a friend to both of u but i ust wanna know i can fully trust u 1st

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: BULLSHIT MOTHER FUCKER! you started blaming me for how I make her suffer and kill herself... and then you call me a liar? is that your way to make friends man? fuck you man

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: unless you take back all you said I wont even forgive you i

m covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: u also blamed me and called me a liar so....

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: im an easy going friendly guy... you met me in RL... you should know.

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: i think we owe each other an appology

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: RL?

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: fuck you, I wont apologize to you!... you have to apologize to Jade and myself and take responsability 4 your actions man

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: so ur sayin u aint been actin abit over the top?

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: ask me one question and fast... who started this whole fight? who started blaming shit on the other? huh?

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: cmon fast

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: taking too long!

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: hurry!

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: no time!

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: god you cant even answer fast

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: bak went 2 get a drink

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: sure

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: why havent you answered then?

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: you had time to type that up rigght?

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: wot...oh yes i admit i started it but cant u see where im cumin from only jade knows about u so i woz a bit curious so....

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: .....here goes

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: jade, zanza?

My eyelids sink into the blackened canvas where the dreams are painted. sagt: Only I know about Zanza? Ahem...Charley, Rui Uttara, James, Dean, Kelly....ect!

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: but not every thing fully about him

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: look ......

My eyelids sink into the blackened canvas where the dreams are painted. sagt: *sigh*

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: ...wot im tryon to say is

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: im sorry

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: there u got it

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: i sed it happy now

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: sorry for what?

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: every thin

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: hppy now

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: ?  

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: that doesnt make t go away, or make you not say it again, but it's a start.... now comes the aftermath of this whole thing... you cant make this whole fight again or doubt me nor Jade. Because that would mean that you were never sorry and that would make you a liar again.... deal?

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: so aint u a little guilty 4 wot u sed

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: fuck no! I got no guarantees that you arent going to do all this things again, do I? once you give me your word I will apokogize myself...

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: word not to do this again nor doubt us

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: well i wont but u cant stop me from bein around ppl who feel dat way but u have my word

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: you dony have to agree all the time with those ppl that feel that way... this isnt about popularity here... is about your friends happyness and your own.

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: i no i didnt say i will agree i sed bein around ppl

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: oki, then we cool then....

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: I apologize myself for all the swearing

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: so now, u nd me are in neutral zone until I gain some trust...

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: just da swearin

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: what u want me to apologize for?

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: ~Zanza... Angel of Death~ says: now you are running to a girl to speak for you? man... I should even call you a man, because you arent... cant even tell me something face to face

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: say dat kindof stuff

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: sayin*

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: ok then... ince u apologize face to face I will say that, you are one step closer to becomming a man... trust is not something that is gained after apologies... actions have to be seen. keep your word and I will respect you as a man

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: fine

Saturday, February 07, 2004

Im sorry Jade for what you are about to read... but You have to know what kind of persons are your friends.... this convo was with David . ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Übermitteln Sie bei Sofortnachrichten niemals Ihr Kennwort oder Ihre Kreditkartennummer.

Sie unterhalten sich mit im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! < minimay1234@hotmail.com> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: she has a lot of friends

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: has she..

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: i thought she woz tryin 2 KILL her self because her friends r abandonin her

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: ok, thats it... sorry but Im nt wasting my time... got other things to do... cyas!

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: or woz it because u woz ruinin her life

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: *copy paste convo and send to Jade* Im sure she knows who u are ^___^ cyas!

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: david

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: u can tell her she knows that that is how every 1 fells

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: feels*

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: k, sure thing ^^

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: and the ones ruining her life is her so called friends, but after this... oh boy, Ill be very surprised if u guys stay that way ^_~... I feel sory for you man, I really do. I thought you were cool and all; but I see that you are just another looser in the world. keep one thing in mind from now on if you decide to hurt her feelings... We WILL be enemies and I know where you all live...

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: well ive u land 1 hand on me or my friends i have enough power to have jade not talkin to u ever because i can show this convo to them to show them wot kind of a 23 yr old perv she goes out with, i can get u kicke out of the army and arrested for being a perv and threatenin me!!!

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: and we r only doin it because we r worried about wot she is gettin her self into

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: hahaha, good luck my friend ^___^ think I care? I know Jade and what kind of friends she has, I also know her feellings more than any of you do... why? because we love each other. And if u cared, u would leave her live her life and stop making her feel like shit all the time

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: u think u know her more than her friends? hahahaha u r more of a thick piece of shit than i thought she has known charley her whole life! and kelly most of her life and uve known her wot? 5 or 6 months!?!?!

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: you can say whatever you want, but Chaz is another piece of selfish person for making her feel bad too. All her ignoring and selfceterness is making her feel like shit and you guys talking about how Im not in the army and stuff pppffft... ok, whatever =) you guyz arent hurting me at all. If all, what you guys are doing is hurt her where it hurts the most

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: we wouldnt be makin her feel like shit if u stoped bein a perv and started datin ppl ur own age and not inocent skool girls!!!!!!!!!!!!! u wierd pervert

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: lol, you can say all you want. After all you are just a little kid with the maturity of a 8 year old...

im covered in leaves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sagt: any way wot kind of a spanish name is john *cough...FAKE...cough*!!!!

~Zanza... Angel of Death~ sagt: hahahaha! you dont even know that I was born in USA.. tsk tsk tsk

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And then I banned him from MSN

Friday, February 06, 2004

Bleh, it was alright... Dont remember much of it now, but I remember having dinner at a greek restaurant with my co-workers, the food kinda sucked X_x aaannnd nothing, we had fun talking about the old days when we were in the field and stuff in the army =D... making fun of other people and stuff was funness!

after that I won a bet and got free MSN tonite and tomorrow ^__^ haha! well, the bet was about that I couldnt take out no more money out of an ATM and he said I could.. he lost and he paid for my online time in the cafe mwahaha! anyways, I got a cool card from Kelly that had some music in it of NBC. twas kwel

Thursday, February 05, 2004

Well, today was kinda cool, even tho I woke up late and almost didnt make it in time for formation, it was cool; even besides the fact that we ran for one hour, it was cool... why? well because this run was with a lot of people and the streets were blocked so we could run freely, and we went past this skool with little kids lined up at the side of the road with their arms stretched... ^___^ I couldnt help myself and I started to clap their hands as I ran by xD!... it felt good =)... and also we will be in TV!! xD

hmmm Jade is having a bad time at skool... which sux lotz... Kelly didnt mention what I did 2 nites ago, so I guess it dun bother her that much? which is kinda cool ^^. annnd bleh, I got Jose's TV now so I stayed up playing videogames and I didnt let my room mate sleep xD!... he sux, so I dun care =p!!!!!!!

geh... also they gave me an important mission today, and I excelled at it. So generally... 'im feeling good today'. Hope that Jadfe's get better and Kel's is good also.

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

hah! Zanza gone wild yesterday night =p... too much in my head and I started to act non-zanza like. Actually, I just spent one night and tried to act like everyone else in the world. For one night, I decided to be weak... I needed to be weak, Im tired of being strong. I wanted to cry last night and I even spent an hour in the dark laying on my bed, staring at my hand and remembering everything that had made me feel sad that day... I wanted to cry so bad... but just like always, it never came out.

sigh, this must be the first time after I promised myself that I would never cry again.... that I actually wanted to break that promise. But it never happened, not even one tear after 1 hour of trying. I must sound weird xD!... Anyways, Like I said, I spent last night being like everyone else.... You guyz know that I dont drink too much, I dont smoke almost at all (never actually smoke a complete cigarret), and I've never cutted myself o.0!

Well, I decided to act like most of the world to see how it is like... and I drank a lot. But couldnt get drunk (after double vodka with redbull, double shot of jeagar, double shot of jeagar with redbull, double jacks...) and I do mean that I drank a lot!... and I also smoked 6 complete cigarrets in a row... in less than 1 hour I did all this. So well anyways I got this motto.

"I would be an hipocrate if I say I know how someone feels when actually I have never experienced that in my life" so instead of just telling people not to cut and stuff, I actually cut myself... 3 times in the palm, 1 below the wrist and 1 on top of my hand... I just want to make this clear. [b]I did all this because I want to feel what everyone else at least once in my life[/b]... and I can say for certain now that I smoked a lot and drank a lot and cut myself. That I understand what it feels like.

Of course there is no-one to blame for all my actions, so there is no guilt towards anyone. its just that I've known a lot of people that cut emselfs and I hate agreeing and saying that I know how it feels, when I have never done it. So there, I did it.. but I'll never do it again. This was all an experiment, a one time thing that I had to do... Consider it a learning experience that I wanted to do.... "there is always a first time".

Oh and people, dont be worrying about me getting addicted to things xD! for some reason I can't get addicted to anything. I got no cravings whatsoever for anything I did last night. wheeee, that was my night =p... I wanted to be weak and like everyone else.. but I failed. -_-

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Here are the infamous pics =p! http://www.geocities.com/nayru_meia/hug.txt http://www.geocities.com/nayru_meia/oo.txt http://www.geocities.com/nayru_meia/snog.txt Yup, thats Meia with my worse enemy Simon... bleeeeeeeehhhh... you got no idea how many times I've thought about going to England and beat the living shit out of him... oh yeah and a few killing thoughts too -_-

Monday, February 02, 2004

heh, I got most of the day off and I watched the final episode of Buffy 5th season... but most importantly, I got reminded of Meia again X_x... bleh, it sucks.. I guess it came from saying goodbye on AWFF forums... since myname is Angelus Zanza, I remember when I said I would turn into an Angel of Death if anything happened to her.

And guess what, unconsiously That was the title of my goodbye topic in AWFF 'Angel of Death', it wasnt until after I said goodbye that I realiced why I had done that. Anyways, still got the pic of her as I was backstabbed by Simon... it still hurts, I wont deny it. I don't love her anymore, but I cant forget the pain we caused each other. It's like a phantom that wont stop stalking and lurking from behind. And if I feel a shiver Im reminded of the phantom on my back.

bleh, I lost the will to be happy for today =p