Wednesday, July 30, 2008
My computer died... everything I've had in it is lost forever... no more FFXI either...
Me = depressed ans pissed
Im not even gonna talk about it.... ugh.... no more FFXI
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Taking a break from ranting to post a link to another blog I just made.
This new blog is a story about my ingame character and what I've experienced in the game in this past year since I started playing...
The blog is set in a fanfic format, as if story telling, but it will contain people I've met and things I have done.
anyways, here it is. let me know what u think
http://forums.ffxiclopedia.org/blog.php?u=6514
Taking a break from ranting to post a link to another blog I just made.
This new blog is a story about my ingame character and what I've experienced in the game in this past year since I started playing...
The blog is set in a fanfic format, as if story telling, but it will contain people I've met and things I have done.
anyways, here it is. let me know what u think
http://forums.ffxiclopedia.org/blog.php?u=6514
Sunday, July 20, 2008
You know, throughout my last year as FFXI gamer and talking to a lot of people and expressing my opinions freely, I have come to mention a lot of things I hate, some of them I have wrote in this blog, but most of them I have said in game.
Seeing as I have nothing better to write, I'll just name all the things I hate =)
So lets see, let's start with people.. I hate people... but let's get more into WHY I hate them and dwell into it a bit.
~Hypocrites: 1: a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess 2 : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings ...
That is the Dictionary definition... and it nails it right in the head... I basically hate people that say the will do one thing and do another, and also people that act one way but are truly different inside, which brings me to my next hater point.
~Liars: A lie (also called prevarication) is a type of deception in the form of an untruthful statement with the intention to deceive, often with the further intention to maintain a secret or reputation, protect someone's feelings or to avoid a punishment. To lie is to state something one believes is false with the intention that it be taken for the truth by someone else. A liar is a person who is lying, who has previously lied, or who tends by nature to lie repeatedly.....
This is taken from wiki and it also nails it right in the head.... Think about it... not telling the whole truth might not be a lie in your eyes, but that would contradict something mentioned... "with the further intention to maintain a secret or reputation, protect someone's feelings or to avoid a punishment".. Sugar coat it as much as your want, but it is lying... this brings me to my next problem with people
~Two-Faced: Hypocritical or double-dealing; deceitful.
That is a definition found on the internet, and as you can see it contains both hypocritical behavior and lying... If you want to expand how people see and what is means to be two-faced, google "two-faced means"
~Narcissism" The term is often used as pejoratives, denoting vanity, conceit, egotism or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others.
I hate these kind of people... truly, all that matters is themselves, in their eyes, they are the greatest thing that walks the Earth and everyone else is inferior in their eyes, they have no compassion for others, nor do they care... Now you might think that I fall into this category... well, not really. While I do think I'm better than others morally and in other aspects, I am by no means like them. I go out of my way to help everyone, even if they are crappy to me I tend to 'forget and forgive'.. anyways, if you know me, you know I'm not like them =p
~Deadly sinners: Im just going to add them all together, now while I am not a fan of religion, the moral points that it hits are great and if clearly defines "Right and wrong"... Many people view right and wrong differently but this 7 sins are universally accepted as wrong and I can agree and see why. here are the deadly sins and definition (will try to keep it short)
- Lust: usually thought of as involving obsessive or excessive thoughts or desires of a sexual nature.... Yes, sex feels good... But this is talking about sluts, that just have sex for the sheer pleasure of it with no feelings for their partner whatsoever and tend to have multiple partners... I hate sluts. And also taking your lust so far as to rape someone, perform incest or pedophilia.... well, I think we can all agree that it is wrong.
- Gluttony: is the over-indulgence andover-consumption of anything to the point of waste. In the Christian religions, it is considered a sin because of the excessive desire for food, or its withholding from the needy..... Now this is just sad and it falls into a category of self-centeredness... People that just eat without consideration of others around them, like poor people that can't afford food. They just eat and eat until they are bloated, while other less fortunate would kill for just a small portion of what they are eating....
- Greed:"Avarice" is more of a blanket term that can describe many other examples of greedy behavior. These include disloyalty, deliberate betrayal, or treason, especially for personal gain, for example through bribery. scavenging and hoarding of materials or objects, theft and robery, especially by means of violence, ttrickery or manipulation of authority are all actions that may be inspired by greed.... this is pretty much self explanatory and you can see why I would have a problem with it
- Sloth: it represents the failure to utilize one's talents and gifts. For example, a student who does not work beyond what is required (and thus fails to achieve his or her full potential) could be labeled slothful..... There are two definitions, the old one and the new one.. this is the new one.... And well, I am guilty of this one myself, it basically means to be lazy and not do anything to get ahead in life and depend on others. I do hate this part of myself and can't really hate others for it, or I'd be a hypocrite.
- Wrath: may be described as inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger... This is the small version of it's definition.. but basically, murderers and stuff like that... murder = not good. .. agreed? This also involves taking revenge upon others.
- Envy: those who commit the sin of envy resent that another person has something they perceive themselves as lacking, and wish the other person to be deprived of it..... pretty much means that a person wishes harm/ sadness upon others just because they can't have what they have... Just sad really
- Pride:It is identified as a desire to be more important or attractive than others, failing to give compliments to others though they may be deserving of them... This falls into the category of narcissism, so I won't go into it.
~Retardation: Now, Im not talking about the illness that makes you mentally handicapped... I am talking about people with lack of common sense and just act plain stupid when there is nothing wrong with them... I mean common... ok... this might sound a bit hypocritical.... these people are Sloth's... I am a physical Sloth, but these people are mentally Sloth's... there is a big difference but at the same time they are the same thing... My Sloth is that I don't better myself because I'm too lazy and usually the only person that ends up hurting is me... but their Sloth has no consideration for others... how hard is it to use your brain? Seriously, make everyone's day a better one and less stressful by being less stupid.
Bah! I'll finish now before this gets too long >.>
Thursday, July 17, 2008
hehehe, I hate people... yeah yeah, you already know htat =p... but I do. I think what I hate the most is their two-facedness... I mean being two-faced is the same as lying... and I hate liars. Oh and for future reference, not telling the entire truth or hidding the truth is another form of lying.
Tell me, how hard is it to say what you think and feel? I can understand on special circumstances why and how it can be hard... I can understand also how it can be rude as well... and I can also see that if you are a nice person you won't want to hurt someone's feelings... But common.... if you don't tell someone how you really think and feel about them and acting indifferent is also considered being two-faced.
Two-faced = liar... simple really, there is no way around it. I f you know me, then you know I don't lie and I'm not two-faced. I am pretty much straight forward with what my intentions are and how I feel/think about you.
Sure, sometimes I feel bad about being rude and blunt, sometimes I feel ashamed and embarrased or like a fool... but really, what's worse? Living a lie and deceiving someone? or experience a few moments of guilt? I'd rather choose the guilt over deceit... In the end people will leave you sooner or later... if you can't get along with the person, better make it get over with quick... trust me, it avoids a lot of future headaches.
If I don't like you, then I won't be two-faced and act like I do.... and if I like you I will go out of my way to let you know that I do... There is no guessing with me, there is no wondering how Zanza feels about you... see? it makes things simple in the end... less drama, less stress... it saves a lot of time and headaches... now for you people that read this... do me a favor and be honest!! Geez... Save me the drama and guessing and stress plz... I REALLY do not need it..
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Hey, it's bipolar guy again /wave
I decided today that I hate sky... It's the most boring thing I have ever done in the game. Ok let me describe what a typical day at Sky is like...
Get to sky, everyone is doing their own thing and you are a loss, so you just stand around trying to figure out which way to go because no-one will tell you.
Then you get a party invite from LS member and you wait some more until they figure out what to do and get more people.
Once they know what to do, you follow them and basically sit around because there is someone with better gear than you doing your job... and then we kill things... and Im useless, so I just stand there looking pretty... or stupid, whichever.
Then finally a NM pops and we all rush to kill it and I actually get some action because more then one PLD is useful for NM's... but I am still secondary tank, so I pretty much don't do much. Once it's dead someone gets the item it drops and I don't get shit...
Then it's back to killing things and me looking pretty and stupid for hours bored out of my mind.
Yeah, that is a typical day in Sky for a PLD... be useless because someone has been playing longer and has better stuff. And then people ask me why I find it boring.
Hell, the most fun I have is going to new places I haven't been to before, and once that is done I'm bored again.
I hate Sky, it just makes me want to quit the game... seriously... nothing worse than a PLD feeling useless and spend hours practically doing nothing
Saturday, July 12, 2008
heyas.. Im about to pass out here, so it'll be brief.... hell I dont even know what to write, jsut thought I'd show signs of life.
I've just been doing stuff on the game.... lots of stuff ^^ getting shit done finally... as in RL, I've been going to the gym and as I expected, mI got sore after the first day >.< to the point of not being able to extend my arms completely ... But it's almost healed now (4 days later) I would of have worked but I wouldnt of have done much since I basically couldnt do nothing with my arms.
I'm serious, it's that bad, if you have never felt it, then you wouldnt be able to understand just how much your arms hurt... But I'm trying to get past that hur now, it's subsiding and getting back to normal... which means that I can soon start the real work out, not jsut 'getting used to again' workout.
Once my body is used to it again, then I'll start to feel more heatlhy and active and more work and more monaaaay~... I'm trying, but it'll take a lil bit longer before I'm at my highs again =)
that's about it.... No gossip this time... no-one has really pissed me off or let me down or nothing like that. Anyways.... cyas!
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Hey, been in a fairly good mood lately. Been having some good company in the game and sometimes off of the game. That always helps me keep my mind distracted =)
Well as an update on getting myself a job... no luck yet, lol... waiting for a couple of phonecalls but I haven't really tried looking. Not motivated enough to get out there and give it my all.. but I am trying! getting there slowly but surely... like the past couple of days I've gone to the gym and swimming pool at a nearby youth center (Think YMCA but better)
Now I'm sore as hell and all I want to do is rest lol... but this is how it always starts, once I get used to the toutine once more, the soreness will be replaced by energy to want to do things... and that includes working hard and being in a better mood and stuff =)...
Like, if my body wasn't sore atm I would go out and start job hunting seriously lol.. hmm maybe they havent called me cuz the number I have atm is from TX... as soon as I ru out of airtime on this phone I'll switch to an AR number, which should be the next day or two hehe.. Someone is draining all my minutes =o... but I don't mind =)... as soon as I can I'll get myself a contract and then I can be on the phone longer and texting more
.
Hmmm, main priorities now is paying my bills and then saving money for car... I mean I live in the crappiest apt complex i this town lol... it's only like 300$ a month, so that gives u an idea... Anyways, I'm off to buy myself a new seat for my bike... I feel sexually molested by it everytime I ride it >.<
Thursday, July 03, 2008
LOL!... what... the ... hell... hahaha... man, people never cease to amaze me, amuse me and disappoint me... seriously, /shake head-
Ok, Due to some people I care about getting hurt if they read this I will omit the names on this story. Only the people I'm talking about will be able to figure out I'm talking about them, and I know that person reads this blog, or at least used to.
Before you read on I'd like to remind all of you about the way I have always been and always written in this blog... Brutally honest regardless of who you are.. and if you do something to make me dissapointed in you.. it WILL get written. It is a fact, so don't act surprised or upset because i wrote this.. you knew it might come and u chose the way you are, just like I choose the way I write in here... with that being said, let's move on.
Once upon a time there was a woman that I liked in FFXI, we got together for a while, but due to certain circumstances we get separated and remained friends. A few months passed and I decided to repay this woman for being so good to me. I thought and I though what I could do that I would like to do and that would be a nice thing to do.
So I start to gather information on her current life and ask her if she is dating anyone at the moment... she said no. So I decided to spend my last days of FFXI with this woman, to show that regardless of whatever happened in the past, I still liked her and appreciated her being my friend. Me and this woman cybered... well, she did, I just helped her imagination.
I asked her if she still loved me and she said yes. so I asked her to marry me in game. I knew that regardless of whatever may happen we would still remain friends and since I liked her a bit and she said she liked me, there was really nothing to loose. But I asked her many times if she was single, I asked many times if she wanted me to continue with the cyber and I reassured her that the proposal wasn't mandatory and in no way forcing her... as a matter of fact I told her that I did not want it to feel obligated and that whatever she might choose would be fine with me.... after all we are still friends.
She needed time to think about it and I agreed. so I leave the game for a few days when I went to Tyler and first thing I do when I come back is look her up and see how she is doing and also to see if she decided... I want to her personally and she ran past me without a word... so I followed her, maybe she didnt see me.. so I send her messages and emotes... still ignoring me, not a word as if I don't even exist.
I'm starting to wonder if I did something wrong, so I ask her best friend as to why she is ignoring me... he replies back to me "If you were trying to force me to marry you I wouldnt talk to you either"........ wait, something is not making sense at all..So I explain myself to him saying that I made it perfectly clear that I didn't want it to feel obligated and that she was free to choose whatever she wanted. no forcing....
He replies back to me "So you went behind my back and asked her to marry you"..... waaaait a moment... something is seriously wrong with this picture....I asked him if they were going out and he said yes they were.... I apologized to him and said that she told me that she wasnt going out with anyone... So we decided that the 3 of us were going to talk about all this lying... But I had to tell the guy...
Not only had I been deceived and lied to, but also this poor guy... she is two timing both of us and lying about what we have said and done... so I had to tell him what we had done... that she cybered and said she loved me... while going out with him... Now I'm not one for gossip or interfeering (much anyways) but if he is going out with someone that cheats on him, he should know.... I've been cheated on and I know how it feels and I would like to know as well...
But anyways, the woman said she did not want to talk to us together... And this is how this story ends... I lost someone I thought was a good friend of mine... But I don't regret anything I've said or done, because it showed her for who she truly is.... a slut and a liar.
Now if you are offended.. I really don't give a shit lol... you brought this on upon yourself. if you had only told the truth from the start and said no to everything afterwards, none of this would have happened... mad at me that I wrote this in here? that's too bad, you knew this could happen once you played me for a fool and hurt me... just be glad I omitted your name from these pages.. consider it my last good gesture towards you, even though you obviously don't even deserve that...
I hate two faced people... and why the fuck does drama follow me!??! I hate drama guys... but it keeps following me >.<
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Alright, I guess need to explain myself as to why I did'nt stay in Tyler, TX... Yes, for those of you that didn't know, I came back.
Ok, so after the super boring 8 hour drive there, me and my manager reached Tyler and first thing I saw were convenient stores with bars on their windows... but ok it's cool, maybe it was a bad part of town and no problem... so we kept on drivingand checking the town out... stopped to get a haircut and get a new SIM card for my phone, so I would have a local phone number that employers and friends can call..
So alright, I keep making plans and stuff as to where to live, so we arrive at the salvation army and I start to ask questions, like... what kind of help they can offer to those that want a job to get an apt and get established, etc, etc..
Well, the people there were rude as hell and they viewed me and treated me like a worthless piece of human being.. hell and I wasn't even staying with them yet!... but in my mind it really didn't matter, it would have to be something that I endure for a few months before I can get my ass out of there. (my haircut sux btw, I hate it)
But anyways, me and manager went to a hotel to spend a few nights until monday when I was going to in-process in the salvation army. The town and everything is so distant aart and has so many hills up and down that I changed my plan to getting myself a car first and then worry about an apt... I tried to call riva, but phone was turned off, alright I'd call her sunday.
Sunday I went to check out the apartments that I wanted to stay in... and I gotta say... what a piece of shit hole. seriously, it was so crappy that I'd rather have visitors at the salvation army homeless shelter than in those apartments... I tried calling Riva again, but phone still turned off... starting to get the impression that she is avoiding me.
Now, we had decided that we would be friends and that's it, so I wasn't expecting a big warm hug or nothing like that, but I was expecting at least some sort of life signs and not avoidance... well maybe she had no minutes so I called her house and grandparents said she was at a friends house... ok so well.. I'd prolly have to wait until monday to talk to her and see what the hell is going on.
At this point Im starting to have doubts about me staying in Tyler, but I needed to better myself and I was willing to stay there even if I didn't like it... and so Monday came... and she still doesnt answer her phone... my manager had to leave back to AR in a couple of hours and I still had no idea where me and riva stood.... and then it hit me.... I don't need to be in Tyler to get ahead in life... I don't need to go to a homeless shelter and endure all this crap alone and away from my friends.
Hell, AR is sooo much better opportunities wise for me, it would be foolish for stay in Tyler, specially since I didn't know if I was welcomed there.. So I drove to her house and see one last time if I could speak to her at least and find out why I've felt like I'd been avoided.
I feel bad for bothering her grandparents and her with me just dropping by unnanounced, but depending on what she had to say, I would stay or leave... and well, she hadn't been avoiding me, she just didn't have minutes and stuff on her phone... I tried to talk to her but she was pretty uninterested it seemed... at first I thought it was because she was sleepy still.
But she went out and talked a lot with my manager and pretty much avoided all forms of eye contact with me, when it was getting close to the time to leave I asked if she wanted to talk and she pretty much said "talk about what?" and kept on talking with my manager.
It was pretty obvious I wasn't welcomed, not even as a friend, so it was set then... I was going back to AR... atleast here I have some ppl I know, manager that will help me and things and places I know where I don't feel like a nuisance or a worthless human being...
So there you have it.... the reasons why I came back and not stayed like I said I would... some of you might be suspicious and think the whole tip was a lie, and I dn't blame you... you never know with online ppl these days... but I do have a pic of me and her together, plus my new tyler, TX phone number... just ask me for them if you want proof that I did go over there.
Anyways, peace guys. and I'll still try to better myself, nothing has changed, except location. /bow